It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
