there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
