I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
