at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
