My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
