My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
