I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
