I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
