You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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