it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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