I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my liver is dry heaving
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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