I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
