Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
