Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
