Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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