someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
