whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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