My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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