Screwed.edu
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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