ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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