If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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