I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize