it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
