she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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