Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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