ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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