I faked an abortion last night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
