so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize