ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Everything about him screamed your future.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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