All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
