The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
