if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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