Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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