Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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