My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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