He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
