Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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