id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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