I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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