i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
