I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
