I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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