Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
