I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
