Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
