next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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