A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
where are my eyebrows?
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