Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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