How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
