You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
