So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize