Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
