You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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