I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
