just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
