He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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