Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
