Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
