You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
