Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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