Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize