I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
